I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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