what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
