did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did i walk over a car last night?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
