Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
