he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
