We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
