When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
