Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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