Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
