This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
