Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
