he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
