1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
