dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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