so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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