I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
