my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you. Go after that dick
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
