There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
