i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
