the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
