we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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