ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
