i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
