where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
