apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
