Soap is not a condiment
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
