I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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