I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
