he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
