I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
