Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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