this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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