So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
