I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
