If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
