nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
