Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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