I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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