oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My penis needs a shock collar
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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