this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
