My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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