What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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