there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
