So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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