I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
