I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toyâ€
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