R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
