Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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