Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
