I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
