you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Found your dick twin last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love you. Go after that dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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