I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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