So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
